After 12 weeks (is that right? 12 weeks, I have lost all track of time) I am starting back at my day job. I definitely have mixed feelings about this, although I do love my day job as a pattern cutter I have definitely being enjoying my time in furlough where I have been able to focus on my art.
These last few months have enabled me to really get my creative spirit and confidence back when it comes to my artwork. As a perfectionist filled with self-doubt I have always struggled with validating my work and thinking it is good enough. My mum is always eager to tell anyone who will listen that when I was a child she was always pulling crumpled up half finished drawings and paintings out of the bin, which I had thrown out in disgust. Although I have got better at trying to make things work when all seems lost, I definitely still don’t see myself as an artist.
When I think of an artist, I think of the old masters, I think of Caravaggio, of Rembrandt and Turner, of men who could do amazing thing with oils and I always felt that I was never there, will never be there and therefor my work was never good enough!! This in itself is ridiculous, as there are so many other amazing artists both past and present whose work I both love and appreciate that isn’t reminiscent of the old masters. Though as is always the way, with my own work I always felt that if my work didn’t have some kind of realistic quality to them it wasn’t good enough. I really struggled with this at University when creating our fashion illustrations and line-ups (I did a fashion Design degree) while my incredibly talented piers were creating beautiful stylised illustrations that not only were true to their authentic self and highlighted their designs in their unique way I could not move away from trying to create realistic drawings. Whenever I tried branching out to try and develop my own stylistic handwriting I always came away feeling that my work was lacking and nether up to scratch.
Looking back of course I had developed my own style, and a lot of my illustrations were created using biro, fine liners and inks witch if you are familiar with my work you will note these are the materials that I frequently use. Especially when it comes to fine liners and ink which forms the backbone to my portfolio, and this lockdown period I have certainly been building on my portfolio.
During this time in lockdown I have really been pushing myself creatively, I have been drawing more, calving more and have even started painting again!! Not only that but I feel like I have regained my confidence when it comes to my artwork, I may never be like one of the great masters but I am able to create my own work in my own way, I have found myself filled with less south doubt when drawing and I’m able to find my way through mishaps and mistakes.
My work my not be perfect but I have been enjoying my journey of discovery over this lockdown period, and I can only hope that when my life goes back to normal I am able to continue on my artistic journey and create pieces to share with you all.
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